What’s my favorite tea?
by In2lalaland
Summary: Duo wakes up without any memories of his life, but at night he dreams about a man that according to his family, doesn't exist. He tries to go on with his life but a sudden urge for a unknown tea flavor leads to an unknown, discoverie. 5x2 AU *COMPLETE*
1. Chapter 1

Based on a true story.

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Prologue:

What's my favorite tea?

It's a very strange thing to not have any memories of your own life. I don't know if I can explain it. For me, it's like this big void in my mind. Like you're walking around in a dark room, trying to find something. Every now and then you'll find something, but it's just too dark to see what it is. It's not like forgetting where you put your car keys; it's more like you've forgotten where you put yourself.

I wish I could tell you about how I got hit over the head in a very dramatic way when I was trying to defend the love of my life, or how I had some mysterious disease that slowly destroyed my brain, but the truth is that I don't know what happened.

I woke up in a hospital bed, staring up at a white ceiling. I didn't know how I got there or what was wrong with me. Then, after a while, I started to realize that I didn't know who -I- was. There was just this big blank -nothing- where the memories of my life should have been. Let's just say that I panicked big time.

Someone had found me lying unconscious on a football field and had called an ambulance. They hadn't found anything physically wrong with me, it was just like my mind had blocked everything on it's own. Don't ask me how, because I don't know. The doctors that examined me don't even know how it happened.

All I knew for sure was that I was 1: a nail biter (a really bad one, if the state of my nails told me anything), 2: I liked Drumstick lollies (I had two wrappers in the pocket of my jacket) 3: I was a fan of a football team called Chelsea (At least that is what my blue and white t-shirt told me. I also found out that my name was not Frank Lampard as my t-shirt said. Frank Lampard was, according to Dr Johnson, a traitor to all West Ham United fans (himself included), but a hero, according to Dr Sidwell (Chelsea fan), who should be honored for his fantastic goals that secured Chelsea's victory over Bolton, thereby helping Chelsea to win their first title in 50 years by a 12-point margin. This football lesson by the two doctors almost got to the point where I got to see my first football hooligan fight right there in my hospital room) 4: I for some reason hadn't cut my hair in years (I'm serious, I was fucking sitting on it) and 5: I was gay (the stirring in my groin whenever the cute nurse by the name of Justin Marshall smiled told me that).

So I was a nail chewing, lollipop sucking, pillow biting Chelsea fan with hair down to my ass... Interesting.

I didn't have any ID on me when they found me, so they had no way of knowing who I was.

I stayed at the hospital for almost a week before someone finally came looking for me.

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A woman walked into my hospital room. I had absolutely no memory of ever meeting her, but she claimed to be my mother. A man followed who said that he was my father. It was surreal. The strangers hugged and kissed me and I tried my best to act like I was happy to see them, even though I wasn't. They were just strangers to me. I felt nothing for them. I might as well have been hugged by the postman.

I felt so unbelievably alone, even more so than before they came. Before, I had the hope that when my family came looking for me I would suddenly remember everything, or at least something. But that wasn't what happened, and the loneliness and the disappointment made me cry myself to sleep. That night was the first night I could remember dreaming.

I dreamed that I was walking down a pier. Seagulls were flying over my head and I could hear the waves below me. I was feeling calm, happy... in love. Someone was walking next to me, holding my hand. I couldn't see a face, just long, dark hair that blew gently in the wind. I called this person Fei-Fei.

The next day my parents came and took me "home." Home was a two storey building in the suburbs. It was nice, I suppose, but I had no memory or emotions coming forward as I walked around the house that, according to my "parents," I had lived in for almost twenty years.

I looked at old toys, old school books, photo albums and home videos, but nothing gave me any feeling of recognition. The kid/teen/man in the photos and the films did look like me, but it might as well have been someone else.

The only thing that I had that I could call a memory was that dream that I had over and over again, but my hope was quickly destroyed when my parents told me that there was no one named Fei-Fei.

I met the people that called themselves my friends. Most of them seemed nice and all, but I just... didn't know them. They showed me a bunch of videos that we had made during different trips over the years. Tropical places, football games and clubs. Only in my eyes it looked like it was all one big trip filled with alcohol, half naked men and parties set in slightly different sceneries. The whole thing just made me sad. I didn't want to be the man that the recordings said I was, that my friends and family said I was. Oh, they didn't come and say it straight out. It was more in the lines of "And then Tim was like 'no way you can drink all that' and you were like 'wanna bet?' " and "Are you sure you don't want another beer, sweetheart, you only had two, usually there is no stopping you."

It became pretty obvious that my friends and family were trying to pick and choose what I should know and not know. They all twisted what they were saying, trying to made it sound better, or covering up that they were leaving some things out. Everyone kept telling me about all the good things I did and all the things I was good at. Then how come I had been more or less homeless, sleeping on my friends' couches (probably why it took them over a week to realize that I was missing)? I didn't have an education. I had apparently had a pretty well paid job at some kind of computer firm, but I had been fired for some reason over a year ago. I didn't have a boyfriend and had apparently not had one for quite a while. My life was shit, and I and everyone else knew it.

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It wasn't just myself that I didn't know. I didn't know anything about the world around me either.

So I set out to explore this – to me – brand new world. I started out in my parents' garden. Have you ever looked at the grass? I mean really looked at it. The way it bends, the way it smells. Do people realize how many beautiful things there are in the world? I got stuck in a flower shop down the street when I roamed around looking at and smelling all the different plants and bouquets. From there I moved on to created beauty. I went to art shows, looked at architecture, became totally fascinated by graffiti and got annoyed when I found out that only females were allowed to wear make up, because it really looked like it was a lot of fun. I went to the museum and looked at everything with wide eyes.

I watched a couple of documentaries to learn about the world's history, and cried my eyes out when I found out that there had been "world wars," where so many people had been killed and tortured. I think a lot of people have been jaded by all the evil in the world, so they choose not concern themselves. They know that so many people are suffering and they just don't care.

I was so upset the first time I watched the news and saw pictures from Darfur, where people were being killed and children starved because of their ethnicity. This horrifying war had been going on for years and there was no end in sight. I looked around me, expecting everyone to be as upset as I was, but no one seemed to care. There was a close-up on a small child that was nothing more then skin and bones. The mother was crying and begging for help, and no one cared. The next newscast they showed was about a dog that had been locked in a car and almost died from the heat. This got a reaction. Mutters about how some people shouldn't be allowed to have pets and how the poor thing must have suffered. They cared more about that dog than about the thousands of people dying because they had been born in the wrong place. I felt sick and had to leave the room.

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It's a very frustrating thing to not know yourself. I didn't remember what kind of things I enjoyed, but people kept telling me what I liked and didn't like. I think they started thinking that I was like a child that needed someone to take care of him. In some ways they were right (I didn't know that you had to push a button to get a green light before you could cross the road. I almost got hit by a moped before my father pulled me back), but at the same time I was a grown man who wanted to live his own life without someone holding his hand.

It was very frustrating in the beginning to have everyone explain everything to me all the time. Everything from how to work the toilet to how to use the phone. But even if I don't remember anything, there are still some thinks that are still there. I can read and write even if I don't remember going to school and if I don't think too much, I know how to ride a bike (it was when I started thinking that I would fall over or end up in a ditch).

When you have your memories and you know some basic things about yourself you take a lot of things for granted. What kind of movies do I like? Do I like apples? How do I want my eggs? What kind of music do I like? Do I want mustard on that?

A 'friend' of mine told me that he thought that it would be fun to get to know yourself for a second time, but I tell you its not -fun-, it's bloody horrible. It's a battle, a war to try to take back your life.

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This is the first time I've written this kind of fiction. I hope it came out ok. Please review... or review the first chapter instead if that feels better. Please?

Thanks to Reikoyazumi who beta read this for me.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1

It always comes back to the tea.

I woke up one morning at my parents' house and felt an extremely strong urge for tea. It was all I could think about. It felt like it was something that I had always done in the morning, like an itch that just had to be scratched.

I'd had tea before, at the hospital, but it hadn't been something that I thought 'wow, this is the shit' when I drank it. It was more like, 'right, flavoured hot water, what's the big deal?' but that morning was something else. I just had to have that tea. So I went downstairs and heated up water in a pan and got the box of teabags out. There were dozens of different flavours, so I just grabbed one. Tea is tea, right? But at the first sip of that slightly bitter Earl Grey, I knew that it was the wrong kind.

I poured it out in the sink and refilled my mug with water. This time I looked closer at the different flavours. Strawberry, lemon, winter (what the fuck does winter taste like?), cinnamon, orange and many more. I lifted them up one by one and smelled the bags, but that didn't give me any idea of what I was looking for.

I tried strawberry (I like strawberry candy, so why not strawberry tea?), but it was far too sweet. I poured it out and tried another one, only to let it meet the same fate.

I spent all morning heating up water and trying different teabags before I realized that the tea I was looking for wasn't there.

So, I went to the supermarket and searched through the entire tea section. People must have thought I was out of my mind, since I was going through the shelves smelling every box and turning it over in the hope that I would recognize something about it. I bought about twenty different flavours and brands to try out at home. I heated water and tried out tea, over and over again. I tried them with sugar, honey, lemon and milk but nothing was right. My mother kept telling me that my favourite tea was English Fruits and I admit that it was nice, but there was still something missing.

My father told me that teabags could never measure up to tealeaves, and that if I wanted good tea I shouldn't go to supermarkets that only had a limited amount of flavours. Instead, he suggested that I should go to a shop that specialized in tea.

The next day I took the bus to a place called Tea Palace that I thought sounded promising.

When I first walked in I was just overwhelmed by the smell that hit me straight in the face. There were hundreds, if not thousands of different kinds of tea, and I just stood and stared. I finally managed to move away from the door and into the shop. I walked around between the shelves with my mouth open in shock over the incredible amount of flavours. There were teabags, tealeaves and instant tea in what felt like endless aisles. Do you know how many different types of tealeaves there are? There are a lot, an un-fucking-believable amount of different types. Then, when I set my eyes on the 'tea bar,' where you could mix tealeaves to make your own tea, I was ready to cry. It really felt like I was never going to find it.

The shopkeeper was an old woman with a gentle smile and warm brown eyes that came up to me and asked if she could help me. Such a simple sounding question but I didn't know what to say, so I just told her no, I didn't need any help, I was just looking.

But when I had roamed up and down the aisles for almost four hours the old woman came up to me once again and asked if she could help me. That was all it took.

I broke down crying in the middle of the tea shop. Embarrassing? Hell yes. But the old woman, who introduced herself as Tara, lead me into the back room where she had me tell her the whole story. I told her about my unexplainable memory loss, how lost I felt, how alone I felt and how the only time I ever really felt happy was when I was dreaming about someone that didn't exist. I told her how I just wanted to find the tea that I was craving. She listened to me while she more or less force-fed me scones and hot chocolate.

That night she kept the store open for me and we spent hours trying out different kinds of tea.

We tried blackberry, red fruits, black tea with strawberries, passion fruit, yellow plum, bilberry, green tea with mint, bourbon vanilla, caramel and honey (bloody revolting flavour, I almost spat it out in Tara's lap), vanilla, cherry, lemon and lime, vanilla and lavender, green tea with jasmine flowers, tangerine, peach, pear-vanilla, apricot, banana (tastes better than it sounds), black tea with lotus, peppermint, rose (smells better than it tastes), chocolate and mint, coconut and vanilla, grapefruit, apple, pineapple and coconut, pistachio nut and many, many more, but the one I was looking for wasn't there.

I tried tea from all over the world. From China, Taiwan, Brazil, India, Nepal, Sri Lanka, Japan, Korea, South Africa, Tanzania, Russia, Morocco, Kenya, Turkey, Indonesia, Vietnam, Argentina, Bangladesh, Iran, Malawi and Uganda. But nothing.

I tried tea until it felt like my tongue was going to fall off.

My family didn't understand and neither did my friends. But, on the other hand, some of my friends hadn't even known that I liked tea.

It may not seem like a big deal to not know your favourite tea, but to me it was like a slap in the face. I think that after a while it wasn't about the tea anymore, it was more about getting my life back. The tea became a symbol of everything that I had lost. It sounds strange, but I just had this feeling that if I could just find my favourite tea, I would find my memories, happiness, love, -everything-. If I just found that tea flavour. You're probably wondering how the hell I could know that when I didn't even know what I was looking for. I can't explain it; I just knew that I would know when I tasted it. So I searched and searched, but without result.

And almost every night, I dreamed I was calling out for Fei-Fei.

I asked around if anyone knew who Fei-Fei was, in case he was someone that my parents didn't know, and they all said no, there was no one named Fei-Fei. My doctor told me that I was projecting my lost memory into the image of a person, and the reason I felt so happy in my dreams was that I felt incomplete without them. They all told me that I had made Fei-Fei up in my mind, and, in the end, I believed them. It wasn't until I during my tea search, ran into a woman at the shops that things changed.

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She was a bit on the chubby side with a big, carefree smile. "Duo! Hi, how are you? It's been ages since I've seen you." It was obvious that she knew me well from the tight hug I received.

I barely suppressed a sigh as she released me. I really didn't feel like doing the whole 'sorry, I have lost my memory' in the middle of the supermarket. Instead, I just smiled and said, "Hey you, I'm good, how are you?"

"Oh, good, good. Nothing new, children to feed and husband to discipline and all that." She laughed and brushed a piece of long blond hair behind her ear. "So are you still together with, what's-his-name, the one you took to the last reunion? Wufei?"

It was like a bucket of cold water was thrown over me. The name echoed painfully through my head. Wufei, Fei. Fei-Fei. I felt hot and cold all over. I felt like crying and laughing all at once. He was real. Fei-Fei was real. My insides were building up a storm and some of it had to have shown on my face, because she lost her smile as she gave me a look of commiseration.

"Oh no, I'm so sorry. Me and my big mouth." She tried to apologise, but I was too trapped in my own head to give her more then a vague response before I turned and left. I walked home like I was in a fog. I was just overwhelmed by the knowledge that my dreams were real, that my love and my lover were real. As I walked, I remembered how uncomfortable some of the people I talked to about Fei-Fei had been. At the time, I had just thought that it was because I was asking for someone that didn't exist, but now I started to wonder if it was because they hadn't wanted to tell me.

The closer to home I got, the more my anger grew. How could they have kept this from me? I asked them again and again if they knew who Fei-Fei was, if they had heard the name before, if they knew where I could look or who I could ask, but they all said no.

I found my mother in the kitchen where she was emptying the dishwasher.

"Did you know about Wufei?" My mother's shocked face and the plates she dropped at my words told me that she had. All the anger that I had been building up overflowed. I wanted answers and I wanted them immediately.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" I screamed at her.

My mother tried to soothe me. "Sweetheart. Calm down," she said, in the same voice she had used whenever I woke up in the middle of the night, crying out for Fei-Fei. The voice that had calmed my fears and insecurities, but it was not going to work this time.

"NO! I want to know why you kept this from me! I asked you! Hell, I asked everyone! And you all lied to my face. Why?!"

She ran a tired hand through her hair. "We just wanted to protect you."

"Protect me from what? Did you have like a meeting or something where you decided what you would and wouldn't tell me?"

"It wasn't like that, baby. We just…you'd already had such a hard time, and we didn't want to make things worse."

"And not telling me when I asked -wasn't- making things worse?"

She seemed lost for words. "No, it- we just..."

"Why?"

"You…you and Wufei didn't part on the best terms."

"What happened? No, mom, don't look away, for once tell me like it is. Don't sugar coat it, just tell me."

My mother sighed. "He... didn't like your friends. And…he didn't approve of some of the things you did."

The way she said 'some of the things' made me think of all those parties and all those trips. "The parties?" I asked.

For a second I thought that she wasn't going to answer. "Well, I guess. I don't know for sure. You didn't really tell me what happened, just that he was trying to control you and trying to make you... choose between him and your friends."

Choose? Had it really been that bad? I had known that all that drinking and all that partying wasn't normal, but had it really been that bad that my lover had forced me to choose? "So what happened?"

"Well you obviously didn't want to be with someone that was trying to control you, so you left him."

I could feel an empty feeling spread in my chest. "I left him?" I sank down on the floor as my legs gave out. I felt hollow, like all my hope had left me. Everything was lost. I think that I had been walking around and just hoping that there really was a Fei-Fei out there that loved me. And now I knew that there was a Fei-Fei, but that I couldn't have him.

"That's what you told us. Sweetheart... oh, come here. This is why we didn't tell you." She held her arms out and I crawled into them.

I fell apart right there, in a world that I didn't know, in the arms of a mother I didn't remember, crying over a lover that I lost long before I knew I had him and a love that I had no memory of but I could still feel in my heart and in my dreams.

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A/N

Awww, so sad :( ... sorry Duo, I promise to make it better.

Could you please consider leaving me a short note about what you thought about this story so far? It would make me very happy if you did.

Thanks to Reikoyazumi who beta read this for me.

Aso a big thanks to the nice people that reviewed, you are the best -Knyghtshade, halas, alzilur and snowdragonct.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2

A longhaired man stood shivering in the shade of an oak tree. He was nervously looking over at a small terraced house on the other side of the street. There was a small but well kept garden in front of it, filled with roses and sunflowers with a small stone path that lead up to the front door. There was nothing about the house that indicated any kind of danger or unpleasantness. It was a sunny Sunday afternoon, birds were singing and the sun was reflecting on the violet windows of the door, but despite the warm weather, the man still shivered at the sight of that house. He took an insecure step forward and then another one.

Looking both ways before crossing the street, he made his way over to the other side.

A low brick wall surrounded the garden, and he carefully pushed the handle down to open up the waist high iron gate. It swung open with a loud screeching noise that made him pause. The man stepped back, shut the gate and closed his eyes. With a deep breath he opened the gate again, making it screech once more.

"I know that sound. I remember that sound," he whispered softly, before he closed it behind him with loving care. He caressed the iron loops on top of the gate, letting his fingers linger on the worn down part that people obviously used to close the gate behind them. The metal was warm beneath his fingers and he was reluctant to let it go.

Turning back towards the house he walked slowly up the path, taking in the beauty of the flowerbeds and the well-managed bushes. He hesitated in front of the door, as if unsure of his welcome. He looked down on the doormat, which had the words 'Oh shit, it's you again,' written on it in big black letters. The words made the man chuckle slightly, before he raised his hand and knocked on the door.

"Just a second!" someone called from inside the house, and the man could hear fast footsteps approaching. There was a low clicking sound before a Chinese angel swung the door open. The first thing that the man outside the door focused on was the dark, shoulder-length hair that had haunted his dreams for as long as he could remember. He smiled happily at the angel, but it was obvious that the angel was not as pleased to see him. Cold, dark eyes glared at him from the barely open doorway.

"What do you want?" he said, with distaste.

The longhaired man swallowed awkwardly. "Fei-Fei?"

The Chinese man's glare got, if possible, even colder as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. "You have no right to call me that. Now I ask you again, what do you want, Duo?"

"I just want to talk," he said softly.

"So talk," the other man spat, leaning against the doorframe.

Duo shuffled his feet. "Can I come in?"

"No," the Asian replied, as if he had asked for something beyond disgusting.

He swallowed thickly and looked down on the doormat. "I... maybe I should start from the top. I- I have amnesia."

The darker man gave a short, harsh laugh. "God, Duo. That has to be the lamest one so far. I can't believe you thought I'd fall for that one. Well, fuck you, Duo. Have a nice life." He stepped back and closed the door with a slam.

"No!" the braided man called out in panic. "Just listen. Please. I'm not lying, I swear to you that I'm not lying." Duo could see a dark shape through the small, blurry windows on the door, and he prayed that Fei-Fei could hear him. "I don't remember anything, and everyone is just telling me what they want me to know. Please... I just want to know."

The door opened slightly and dark eyes looked at him with distrust. "Duo, I'm going to kill you if you are lying to me."

Duo was far too relieved to take the threat seriously. "Okay. But I'm not."

The shorter man hesitated for a second before holding the door open for him.

Duo smiled gratefully. "Thank you."

They walked into a bright, homely kitchen that immediately made Duo feel warm and relaxed. It was like he remembered this kitchen, or maybe not remembered... it felt more like he had dreamed about this room, but still... he knew this room.

Fei-Fei had his back turned towards him and was pouring water in to a pan, taking a metal tea box out of a cupboard.

Duo fidgeted for a second before he sat down at the kitchen table. He looked around the room. It was clean, with colorful rag carpets on the floor and healthy looking flowers in the window. The kitchen cabinets were in a light wood that matched the shade of the table and the chairs perfectly. The refrigerator was covered with colorful post-it notes, postcards and one single childish drawing of what looked like a horse. The sun was coming through the windows, big sun patches spreading over the wooden floor, and Duo could feel himself soaking in the warmth of the room.

"So what happened?" the shorter man asked, without turning around to look at him.

Duo played nervously with his sleeve. "Ehm, they don't know. A jogger found me on a football field about two months ago. They couldn't find anything physically wrong with me, but for some reason I don't remember anything. They don't know why."

Wufei turned around and put two steaming mugs down on the table. "It took you two months to get here? I don't know whether to feel overlooked or overjoyed."

Duo blinked and opened his mouth, but he didn't know what to say. Instead he took the mug in front of him and wrapped his hands tightly around it.

Wufei sighed and sat down on the other side of the table. "Sorry…that was uncalled for."

Duo shrugged. "I wouldn't know if it was uncalled for or not…but to answer your question, I didn't even know that you were real. No one told me about you, even though I asked."

Wufei snorted. It was obvious that he was not surprised by this.

"I kind of remember you... a little bit. Or a part of me remembered you, anyway." Duo looked down to where he was pushing the mug from one hand to the other. "I dreamed that I was walking next to someone. Someone I called Fei-Fei…we are walking down an empty pier, holding hands. I'm happy…I feel loved…and then I wake up."

He glanced up at the other man to see his reaction, but Fei-Fei's face had not changed, he was still staring blankly at him. The braided man quickly looked away and down at his hands again. He felt uncomfortable, and he couldn't for the life of him figure out what to do or say. He just wanted to leave and never look back.

He had wanted to have someone who would tell him the truth and not leave out all the bad parts. It was obvious that Fei-Fei did not hold him in high regard, and he most certainly did not worry about his feelings. He tried to remind himself that this was what he had wanted, but why was he really here? He didn't know anything about this man. All he had was a dream about being in love, of being loved. He had nothing else.

He thought about leaving. Fei-Fei obviously didn't want anything to do with him. He should leave. He raised his mug and took a sip from his steaming tea. Instantly, his mouth was flooded by a slightly bitter, but, at the same time, strangely sweet taste. He took another sip and let himself enjoy the almost overwhelming flavor. He rolled the tea around in his mouth. This was it. This was what he had been looking for. His favorite tea. It had been here all along, with Fei-Fei. This was where the answers were, and this was where he needed to be. He had to find out what had gone wrong.

He put the mug down on the table. "Fei-Fei, how-"

The darker man cut him off with a glare. "It's Wufei."

Duo swallowed thickly and looked down at his hands. "Sorry... I just... what happened? Why did we break up?"

Wufei was quiet for a moment. "You want to know?"

Duo nodded.

The Asian took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair. "We had been living together for about two years when things started to go wrong. You'd been a pretty heavy drinker as long as I've known you, but it was getting out of hand. You came home drunk more and more often, and there was always this 'wicked party' somewhere that you just 'had to' go to. You got fired when you didn't shown up at work for a week. Things got even worse after that, because that's when you started with the drugs."

Wufei sighed. "I didn't know what to do. Nothing I said or did made any difference, you just wouldn't listen. You would get so angry every time I tried to say something about it, and we were fighting all the time."

Duo fidgeted unhappily at the picture that was being presented to him.

"You were drinking too much and you spent a fortune on drugs. I lost count of the amount of times I came home from work to find what you called a 'small gathering of friends,' but in reality was a bunch of unknown druggies, in our living room. But it didn't stop there, because your "friends" were always dragging you along for some stupid shit that either got you beaten up or in trouble with the police." The Chinese man slammed his mug down on the table, making the tea overflow the edge. He didn't spare the mess a glance; instead he stared straight at the wide-eyed man across the table.

"I couldn't take it anymore. I begged, fucking -begged- you to stop doing those damned drugs and to cut down on the drinking…but you refused. I tried to get help, but no one would listen. Your family thought I was making things up to get back at you for all the fighting. And your friends..." The man sighed and tiredly rubbed his face. "Your friends that actually cared about you didn't like me all that much. They thought that I was trying to control you, and…you listened to them. I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't, it just got too much. I never knew where you were, when you would get back or what shape you would be in when you did. So in the end I- I threw you out and said that I didn't want to see you again until you had gotten your shit together. I hoped that that would make you start thinking, that…I don't know. Some kind of naive wish that I would be enough to make you change your mind, I mean, hell... we were going to get married, and I thought that would be enough…but I was wrong."

Wufei pushed his mug away from himself and focused his eyes somewhere behind the other man. "You came back a few hours later…you were drunk…or high, I don't know." He shivered slightly and wrapped his arms around himself. "You started shouting, throwing things around and threatening me. I cursed you and then you hit me…and kept hitting me."

Duo felt his stomach twist, and it suddenly became very hard to breathe.

"One of my neighbors called the police, and I had a restraining order put up... I haven't seen you since."

Duo felt tears rolling down his face. "Fei-Fei... I'm so sorry. So very sorry."

Wufei shrugged unhappily. "Yeah, well, so am I."

They sat in silence for a while. Duo tried to get the tears to stop falling, but it was a lost cause. He had his answer now. This was the truth that he had been looking for. He was a useless, violent fucking druggie that had hurt the one he loved.

Wufei fidgeted and got up and got him a Kleenex.

"Thanks," Duo whispered, because he wasn't sure that he could speak any louder at that moment.

Wufei hesitated, before sitting down in the chair next to him.

"I don't think I have ever seen you cry before," he said in a thoughtful voice.

Duo looked up slightly before looking down at his hands again.

The kitchen was quiet and still for a long while.

The Asian sighed. "It wasn't all bad. We had a lot of fun too before things went bad."

Duo played nervously with the Kleenex. "Could... Could you tell me about it? Like maybe how we met?"

Wufei leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on the chair standing on the other side of the table. "Through a friend of yours, actually. Alex, you know Alex?" At Duo's nod he continued. "Alex and I worked together…well, we did before he came drunk to work one too many times."

The darker man grinned suddenly. "I had this huge house warming party when I first moved in. I didn't plan for it to get so big, but everyone I invited invited about five to ten people with them." He laughed. "Man, that was one impressive party. The house looked like a battlefield the next morning. Bottles everywhere, broken furniture and junk all over the place. God, what a mess." He shook his head with a smile. "I had gone out to get the newspaper, and when I came back in you were standing in my living room looking lost..." He looked over at the other man with a wide grin. "Apparently you had spent the night on the floor of my bathroom."

Duo felt his heart jump at the sight of that grin. "What did you do?"

"The only thing you can do when you find a handsome lost man in your home... you make him some breakfast."

"You thought I was handsome?"

Wufei gave him a dreamy smile. "I though you were the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen." The Chinese man seemed to realize what he had just said, and who he had just said it to, because he straightened up and looked away from his ex-lover. "Well, anyway. We started talking about random things and we realized that we had a lot in common."

Duo put his elbow up on the table and rested his head in his hand. "Like what?" he asked, as he looked at the man next to him.

"Like what TV-shows we watched, what kind of music we listened to, places we wanted to go, you know, things like that. We liked the same food, the same books, the same leisure pursuits. Hell, we even voted the same. It just felt…right. -We_-_ felt right, and we just... fit together." He sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "We dated for about 6 months before you moved in, so we had about two and a half year that we lived happily together." Wufei smiled gently. "And we really were happy, I'm not just saying that, those two and a half years were the best of my life."

Duo closed his eyes tightly but the tears still fell. "Sounds nice."

The Asian smiled a sad wistfull smile. "It was."

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

A/N

And now you know what really happened...

Now, what I want to know is that if anyone saw that coming? (If you did, please tell me. I don't want to be too predictable)

A big thank you and a tight hug to everyone that reviewed.

AzhureSapphire - I'm glad you thought so and I'm very grateful that you told me :)

Tearles - No, as you can see, Wufei is very alive. You are just going to have to wait to find out what kind of tea it was -grin-

AmberEyes87 - No, please don't cry -hands you a handkerchief- Damn, this chapter probably didn't make you any happier, did it?

Knyghtshade - They are his real family (sorry), but they are just doing what they think was right... which might not be all that great.

Shogi - Sorry, I kind of made it worse instead of better. You were so right, there were more behind it then "he was too controlling so I left him." So, unfortunately for Duo, mom wasn't really lying.

Ah Hael - Yeah, nether of them are feeling all that happy right now :(

Alzilur - Sorry about that " Well, it's going to get better... soon, I promise!

Spider-Jen - Well first of all, I really like your name and second of all, I'm very happy to hear that you are turning in to a 5x2 fan, we need all the people we can get against the 1x2

Thanks to Reikoyazumi who beta read this for me.

The next and last chapter is going to be posted tomorrow... well it's going to be posted on . I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to finish the sex-free version in time.

So if it wouldn't be too much to ask for, could you please tell me what you thought about this chapter and as I mentioned before, if what happened was predictable?


	4. Chapter 4

For those that actually liked this fiction, go to w w w . gundam-wing-fanfiction . net and read "What's my favorite tea" there. (Search on In2lalaland)

The reason why I'm telling you this is because the fourth chapter is like 50 detailed sex... as in not welcome on ff . Net.

I was going to write a version that worked here but since I'm a idiot I now have to jobs (one that I don't get payed for idiot) that's taking up most my time. So instead of making you wait a couple of months for this chapter you can ether read this version where I just cut out the sex or go to gundam-wing-fanfiction . net and read the whole story there.

If you stay on ff . net to read this version, please tell me if it works or if I should take the time in the future to make another version.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Chapter 4

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

They stayed like that for hours. Wufei told him about different things that they had done and places they had been to. In turn, Duo told him about how it felt like he saw the world differently than the people around him, and how hard it was to act like he knew what was going on. How it felt to get to know yourself all over again.

The longer they sat there, the more Duo could understand why he had fallen for this man. He was smart, funny and when he had finally relaxed around him, friendly and kind. Not to mention that he was absolutely beautiful.

Duo suddenly did a double take when he saw what time it was. It was dark outside and Wufei probably had to go to work the next day. "It's late. I should go," he said, and reluctantly got out of his chair.

Wufei blinked and looked over at the clock on the wall. "Yeah. You could stay... on the couch. If you want to?"

Duo smiled gratefully. The thought of going home to face his "family" and their questions just felt too much to handle. "I'd like that. Thanks"

Wufei made him a bed on the couch and got him a new toothbrush.

Duo took his time to get ready, before finally looking long and hard in the mirror. Did he look like someone who would beat up his boyfriend? He turned his head from one side to the other. He didn't look like one of the bad guys from the television, but on the other hand, this wasn't a movie. With a sigh he turned the lights off and walked back into the dim living room. Wufei was standing with his back to him and was looking down at something in his hands.

"Wufei?" he said gently, so as to not startle him, but the other man still jumped in surprise before turning wide eyes towards him.

"Here," the Asian said and held out a large t-shirt.

"Thanks." He accepted the striped white and blue t-shirt and unfolded it. It was a well-used football shirt with 'Maxwell' written across the back.

"You left it here and I..." Wufei trailed off, looking embarrassed.

Warmth filled Duo's chest. "Thanks Fei-, sorry. Wufei."

Wufei grimaced. "You can call me Fei-Fei if you want, it was just childish of me to tell you not to. Actually, I would prefer it if you did since you only called me Wufei when you were angry with me."

Duo smiled crookedly. "Fei-Fei it is."

"Yeah, do you need anything else?" the Chinese man said, turning wide, dark eyes up at him.

Light came in from the doorway, making shadows play over that handsome face, reflecting in those dark eyes. They were still standing close to each other. Close enough that if Duo reached out his hand just a little bit, he could touch the other man. He let his eyes follow the line of that sharp jaw, the slender neck down to wide, strong shoulders. All he wanted to do was to wrap his arms around the smaller man and hug him close to his chest.

Instead his shook his head. "No, I'm ok," he said softly. They looked at each other in silence.

"God, this is so strange," Wufei whispered as he reached out and pushed away some hair from Duo's face. Duo shivered as soft fingers brushed against his cheek. Wufei stepped even closer, letting his chest brush against Duo's heavily breathing one. "You are just the same, but at the same time... you're not." Duo closed his eyes as the fingers stroked his face.

"Fei," he breathed.

Soft fingers made their way into his hair and to the back of his head, where they carefully pulled his head down. Duo didn't resist, he only closed his eyes again as their lips met. It started out with a gentle brush of lips but soon turned into something more heated.

The t-shirt fell from his slack fingers as he wrapped his arms around the smaller man and pulled him close.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Blood pounded in his ears and muscles twitched as Duo came down from his high, staring blindly at the ceiling as he tried to catch his breath. "Wow."

"Yeah. Wow," his lover panted as he sat up, or tried to sit up. "Are you going to release me anytime soon?"

Duo looked down to where he still had his legs in an iron grip around Wufei's waist. "Do I have to?" he asked with a lazy smile.

Wufei looked at him for a long moment with a warm look in his eyes. "No, you don't."

Duo grinned happily and wrapped himself tighter around the smaller man. Then, without warning he rolled them over, making Wufei hit the couch with a surprised yelp. Using his weight he pressed the smaller man down and proceeded to kiss him senseless. When the lack of air became a problem, they curled up together in each other's arms with the cover thrown lazily over them.

"Are you going to start everything new now?" Wufei asked and stroked Duo's naked back.

The long haired man sighed against the slightly sweaty skin. "Yes, because from what I can see, there isn't much to keep in my old life. An unemployed, violent, alcoholic, druggie who's living with his parents. Yeah, who wouldn't want that life?"

"Hey, it's not that bad," Wufei whispered in a comforting tone and stroked his hair. "You had a rough time, yes. But you are not a bad person. I know you."

Duo swallowed thickly. "I think you are the last person who should be comforting me after what I did to you."

"Maybe. But maybe I'm the right person to comfort you. I forgave you a long time ago."

"You didn't seem so forgiving when I first came here. "

Wufei sighed deeply. "I think I was more angry at myself, but I took it out on you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I was so insanely happy when I saw you. I've missed you so much. But at the same time I was so angry with myself for being happy to see you. I thought it was just going to start all over again. You would tell me that you were sorry and I would forgive you. Then you would turn around and hurt me again. God, I just felt so pathetic for being happy to see you."

Duo kissed his lover's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Wufei waved his apologies away with a flick of his hand. "Don't worry about it."

Duo stretched out lazily. "God, I'm going to be so sore tomorrow. I plan on standing all day."

Wufei flinched. "Sorry, I should have been more careful. I should have given you more time. No, I should have let you be on top. I didn't hurt you, did I? Are you bleeding?" his lover asked worriedly.

Duo chuckled. "Fei. Everything is fine, relax. It's okay baby, breathe."

Wufei rolled his eyes. "Ha-ha. Very funny. Come on, let's go to bed."

Duo made a noise of displeasure but rolled off his lover, taking the cover with him. He got to his feet and looked over at the naked man lying on the couch. He let his eyes roam over dark skin and the defined muscles. He licked his lips and slowly let his eyes wander up to the smiling mouth.

"You can not be serious. I demand some sleep before we go again," Wufei said with a lazy laugh.

"Mmm." Duo leaned over to place a sloppy kiss on the exposed hip.

"God, you are insatiable," the Chinese man breathed before pulling Duo back on top of him.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

It took them a while before they managed to move in to the bedroom. Duo didn't spare the room a glance before crawling into the bed. Instead he took a deep breath of the underlying smell of his lover in the soft beddings. Reaching out he got a hold of Wufei's waist and pulled him close to his chest.

"You're a cuddler now?" the Asian mumbled sleepily.

Duo nodded against the top of his head. "Do you mind?" he asked cautiously.

Wufei laughed slightly. "No, I like to cuddle."

Duo breathed out a sigh in relief and let himself relax.

It didn't take long before he realized that he needed an answer to the question that had haunted him for so long. Duo looked down on his lover who he had spooned against his chest.

"Hey Fei... are you awake?"

"Mmm."

"What kind of tea did we drink?"

"Mmm, tea?" Wufei questioned in a drowsy voice.

"Yeah, that tea you gave me when I came here."

"Mmm, my tea."

"... Yeah, what kind was it?"

"Mmm, why?" The questions were muffled as his lover turned his head into his pillow.

"I want to know. Fei..." There was no answer. "Fei, don't fall asleep yet. Tell me what tea it was."

"It's from the bush," Wufei mumbled.

"Bush?"

The Asian sighed and rolled over to look at him. "The leaves are from the bush in the garden. I don't know what kind it is. My aunt sent it to me from god knows where. The leaves are just mixed with dried lemon... or at least mine is. Yours is mixed with an English fruit tea bag too. According to you it makes the taste sharper. I can't tell any difference but you won't drink it any other way..." He cut himself off with a yawn before shuffling closer and relaxing bonelessly against the braided man's chest.

Duo squeezed his eyes shut tightly and choked down a sob. "So you're the only one that has that kind of tea?"

"Mmmhmm," the Asian mumbled.

Duo let the tears fall quietly as he held his sleeping lover tightly.

The end.

So, what did you think? Please tell me.


	5. Epilogue

Epilogue

I would like to think that my life started that night with Wufei in my arms. And in a way, it did. The two months I spent up to that point were just a maze where I desperately tried to find my footing in this strange new world.

I was mostly drifting until the hunt for my favourite tea begun. It gave me a purpose and it gave me the hope that I would get to reclaim something of my own, on my own, not just accepting what other people told me about myself.

But the tea hunt had finally reached its end, letting me find the treasure at the end of the rainbow.

Lying there in that bed, with my long lost Fei-Fei in my arms I made myself a promise.

I was never going to drink again and I would never again tell a lie.

Those two things destroyed my life and I had no room for them in my new, hopefully improved life.

I didn't know how I was going to make it up to Fei, but I swore that I would do my best.

:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Looking back it might not have been the best decision for us to just fall into bed together, but at the time it felt right.

The morning after was a bit awkward but we talked a lot and decided that we should start dating before we made any real commitment.

It started out well; we went to dinner followed by a movie. I was just going to walk him home, nothing more. It was just that our goodnight kiss kind of got a life of its own and I ended up face down on the kitchen table.

We tried again a few days later but with the same result. We kind of gave up on the whole dating thing after that, deciding to see how it worked out on its own.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

It took a long time before Wufei could fully relax around me.

He would be fine most of the time but if I raised my voice in any way, it didn't matter if it was directed at the football game on TV or a loud curse over a paper cut, Wufei would still flinch and get this scared look in his eyes. You don't know shame until you look into the eyes of the one you love and see fear; fear for what you might do and know that it was justified.

I quickly learned to hold my temper.

This much to Wufei's surprise, since I'd apparently always been temperamental. I wouldn't know since I didn't really know how I was before. Not knowing something so obvious can be very frustrating, so I asked Wufei, who I knew would tell me the truth, to describe me.

We were in the middle of a walk through the park, enjoying sunshine, when I asked him. At first he was quiet as his attention was turned inwards, then a smile spread over his face.

"You just had this way of sharing your happiness, like it was rolling off you in waves that couldn't help but hit the people around you."

The wind blew softly, ruffling his long dark hair, and I was once again hit with the knowledge that my lover was absolutely beautiful. I walked a little closer so that my hand could brush against his, wanting to take it but unable to bring myself to do so. Not while we were talking about this.

Wufei pushed a piece of flowing hair behind his ear before speaking. "You were very social. You could meet someone in the store and five minute later you had a new best friend."

"And the bad qualities?" I asked, because I knew they were there.

Wufei hesitated. "I wouldn't call them bad qualities. It was just that you often got restless. You couldn't relax, couldn't sit still. If you weren't moving, you were drumming your fingers on something, or your leg was jumping up and down." Wufei tilted his head in thought. "You were quick both to happiness and anger. It didn't take much to make you angry, but at the same time, it wasn't hard to make you happy again."

We walked quietly for a moment. All around us people were setting up picnics in the sun, children were playing and a game of football was going on further away. I stamped down on the instinct to chase when I saw a white ball fly through the air.

"We could never really do this before," he said, taking a hold of my hand, lacing our fingers together with a sad, but strangely happy, smile. "We could jog or run but never just walk without a purpose."

A couple of giggling kids ran past us, closely followed by an overweight black Labrador. I watched Wufei watch them with a smile. After a moment, dark eyes turned back to me. "You are a lot calmer now; it doesn't feel like I have to rush to keep up with you anymore."

"That's good, right?"

"Very," he laughed. "You are also easier to talk to now, more open."

I lit up, because to me those words were worth more than anything. In a strange sort of way, I felt like I was competing against myself for Wufei's affection, because no matter how much I didn't want to be that man again, I couldn't help but fear that Wufei loved him more than me.

"You actually tell me what's on your mind instead of doing the macho, strong and silent routine," he sighed with a frown. "I hated that. Hated having to guess what was going on in your head instead of having you just open your goddamned mouth and tell me," Wufei muttered, unconsciously increasing his speed. "Because nooo, Duo Maxwell could solve anything on his own. Never asking for help or advice and the world would clearly end if he asked for directions."

I let myself be dragged along; grinning like a fool as he kept complaining about me, or more exactly, the old me's many faults.

I don't know for sure what it was like for me to grow up but whatever happened, it was that that shaped me into a restless, somewhat wild guy who couldn't be trusted. But whatever it was, it was gone now.

-:-:-:-:-:-:--:-:-:-:-:-:-

I still kept contact with a couple of my old friends, but most of them didn't understand this 'new me,' as everyone called it.

I think that the crucial falling out that I had with most of my old crew was at a birthday party for one of my friends.

I was invited about a week before and of course the first thing I did was to tell Wufei. Over the three weeks since I met him, I had made it into a habit to confide in Wufei, who I considered to be the only one who always told me the truth.

But this time, Wufei didn't react like he usually did. On a normal occasion he would be happy for me, ask questions and let me ramble.

But when I told him about the birthday party, something that in my eyes was totally innocent and just a chance to catch up with those of my friends that I genuinely liked, Wufei closed off. It wasn't like he stopped paying attention or anything like that, his face just went blank and he left the room to lock himself in the bathroom.

I was pretty much frantic by the time he finally came out and it wasn't until I begged him, promising him everything, swearing that I wouldn't go to that party, that he unlocked the door.

His eyes were red when he stepped out. Hesitating with a hand on the door handle, he looked up at me and told me that I should go to the party. I refused but Wufei just shook his head, telling me that it was something that I needed to do.

Wufei was twitchy for hours before I left, refusing to tell me why. He roamed around the house, picking at things, straightening pillows and drinking endless amounts of tea.

One of the guys that I considered to be a close friend came and picked me up at Wufei's house. I watched a very stiff greeting play out between Wufei and my friend, like they could only stand being around each other for my sake. Wufei wouldn't look at me as I left, instead he just turned on his heel and marched quickly into the house. For a moment I just looked at the violet glass on the door, wanting nothing more than to go back in there. But instead I turned, following my friend down the garden path and out past the iron gate.

In the car I couldn't help but ask my friend why their greeting was so cold.

The large man grimaced and rubbed a hand over his shaved chin. "The guy just rubs me the wrong way, I have no idea how you put up with him."

"He's a great guy," I replied defensively.

My friend sighed. "If you say so. I'm surprised that he let you come along."

I straightened up, suddenly curious. "Why? How was he before?"

My friend snorted with a sneer and I repressed the urge to defend my lover again. "The guy would throw a fit every time we were going to a party, especially one of Bobby's parties."

"Bobby's? The same Bobby that we are going to right now?" I had a very bad feeling about this.

"The one and only," he replied with a grin as I leaned back, feeling slightly apprehensive for what was about to come.

At the party it didn't take me long before I understood Wufei's strange behaviour over the last few days. I barely had time to get through the door before someone offered me alcohol, telling me if I wanted something a little extra, I should find Erin. At first I didn't understand but then I took a closer look around.

The apartment was filled with drinking, dancing and laughing people. A normal party on the surface, but then you noticed the glazed-over look in their eyes, the over the top laughter and that the guy in the middle of the room who was holding a conversation with the smoke detector.

Erin turned out to be a tall Barbie-doll woman in a far-too-revealing dress. She greeted me happily, telling me that she had all my favourites and since I was one of her best customers, I would get a special price on anything I wanted. She seemed almost insulted when I told her that I didn't want anything.

"Back together with The Stick, I presume," she said, looking at me with distaste.

It wasn't hard to figure out who 'The Stick' was. I wanted to defend him, yell at her how great Wufei was, how grateful I was to have him – not to mention punch her in the face. But I didn't. If getting Wufei back taught me anything, it was to not give into that anger. Instead I simply glared.

"I'll take that as a yes," she said, throwing that long blonde hair over her shoulder, bringing attention to her huge pushed-up breasts. "God Duo, why don't you just put on a leash and a collar and have done with it." With that she walked off on her thin red high heels.

But I kept my promise to myself and kept away from the alcohol, not to mention Erin's stash.

I walked around among all the partying people. I was restless, never staying in one place longer then a few minutes.

Everyone there knew me, asking me where the hell I've been and if I wanted a 'lift up.' Every single one of them was surprised when I said no.

All the time as I was there, I kept thinking that this was where I spent my time instead of with Wufei. This is what I chose over love.

My friends tried to pull me into 'the party mood' but I just couldn't bring myself to relax. In the end I gave up and left. I didn't even tell anyone that I was leaving. They probably didn't even notice.

It was dark and slightly chilly outside and I took a deep breath of the fresh night air. Behind me I could hear the party still going strong, music, people laughing. I started as a glass bottle smashed to pieces against the concrete further away from me. Glancing up at the over-filled balcony and all the smoking and drinking people there, a feeling of distaste and self-loathing washed over me. It only got worse as someone up there recognized me, calling out to me like I belonged among them.

I shook my head, waved half-heartedly at whoever was calling out to me, and left. I took the time to think as I walked. I just couldn't understand how I could enjoy that chaos, how I managed to befriend all those out of control people. They all knew me and treated me like one of them. And maybe I was. Just another druggie with the rest of them.

I shivered, zipping my sheepskin leather jacket up to the top.

It was late and I knew that I should go back to my parents' house, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I felt knocked out of focus, like back when I tried to fit into the world around me while not knowing a thing about it or myself. I hurried forward, almost feeling like I was running from someone. Or maybe I was just running from myself.

There was only one person that I trusted to ground me and I steered my steps towards him.

The streets were dark and quiet around me. Not a soul was out. Just me, and the darkness that was creeping up on me. I hurried along.

Then Wufei's small house came into view and relief flooded me. The low iron gate screeched as I quickly pushed it open, just about stumbling up to the door. I hesitated with my thumb against the doorbell. It was late and Wufei was most likely already in bed.

I almost left but the darkness loomed over my shoulder. Fear and common sense crashed together. I wanted to see my Fei-Fei, but at the same time I didn't want to bother him with my problems. I took my thumb off the doorbell, choosing instead to knock. If Wufei didn't hear it, he was most likely asleep and I would leave. I raised my fist to the violet glass, knocking it gently. Everything was quiet and dark. My hopes were falling but I decided to knock one more time, a little louder. I put a bit more force behind my knocks, hoping that he was awake. 'Please be awake.' I begged, leaning my forehead against the cool glass.

Then I could see a small light being lit through the blurry window on the door and my heart soared. Wufei was awake.

But for a long time, everything was quiet. There was no one coming towards the door and no more lights being lit. "Fei?" I asked with a slightly raised voice to make myself heard through the door. I thought I heard quiet steps but I wasn't sure.

Then the sharp click of the lock was heard before the handle was pressed down. I leaned back, as the door slowly opened.

"Duo?" Wufei asked in a tense voice. He looked terrified to see me standing there in the dark and it just broke my heart.

I realised just how this might look, and how often he must have opened this door in the middle of the night with the violent druggie that I used to be on the other side. "I didn't drink or anything." I blurted, inching backwards behind the barely open door.

Some of the tension dropped from Wufei's shoulders and he let go of the door handle. "Do you want to come in?" The light coming from inside Wufei's warm, inviting home called out to me and I wanted nothing more then to belong in that light.

I squirmed, feeling like I was asking for something I didn't have any right to, "It's late, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come." I took a step back into the shadows.

But before I could walk away, a hand reached out, taking a hold of my wrist. The warmth of Wufei's palm soaked through my shirt, heating my skin. "It's okay Duo, I was still up. You're always welcome," he said softly, taking another hold on my arm. "Come on in, Duo."

Feeling like a vampire being let into the house of the innocent, I let myself be led over the threshold.

"Come, I'll make you some tea." He didn't let go of my arm as we walked through the hallway, into the kitchen.

While Wufei busied himself with the tea, I sat down on the chair that I, for the last three weeks, considered to be my chair.

I put my elbows up on the table, leaning forward to hide my face in my hands. For a long stretch of time we both just existed, isolated, as if the distance between us was further than the mind could envision "You knew, didn't you." It wasn't a question.

A metallic click was heard, most likely from Wufei's tea jar. "Yes."

"So why did you let me go if you knew what kind of party it was?" I asked, looking over at him. I couldn't see his face, but by the look of his tense back, he was far from happy.

Wufei sighed, his head hanging low. "I didn't want to. But... I'm not totally blameless in all this. I mean, nothing I did or said ever worked but I just kept trying, kept pushing. In the end, I might just have made things worse." He paused, leaning heavily on the counter, his hands gripping the edge. "I just thought... you told me that you weren't going back to the way things were, but you needed to know what 'back then' really meant and I just..." Wufei trailed off.

I took a shaky breath, leaning forward with my arms resting limply on the table. "And you trusted me not to do anything."

"I hoped," Wufei sighed as he pulled himself together, straightening up to take care of the boiling water on the stove. I looked away; let my eyes fly over the room, not taking in anything beyond the other man in it. I leaned back in my chair, my long braid digging into my spine.

My eyes went back to my love. I watched him as he got two mugs down from their shelf, pouring the tea into them while I tried to imagine what it must have been like for him to let me walk out that door, knowing what could happen. The thoughts that must have gone through his mind, the fear, the helplessness… I didn't want him to have to feel that and I wanted even less for me to be the cause of it.

I was brought out of my thoughts as a steaming mug was lowered to the table in front of me. The hot steam drifted up over my face. I took a deep breath through my nose, letting the comforting smell of my favourite tea invade my senses. Wufei pulled out 'his' chair and sat down on the other side of the table.

I wanted to look over at him, but I was afraid to meet his eyes. The shame still lingered in me, holding me tightly, looming over me like a dark shadow. Instead I pulled the English fruit tea bag out of my mug, spinning the thread around the spoon with the wet bag resting on it, forcing the fluid out. I slowly lowered it down onto the small porcelain plate that Wufei always put on the table for this exact purpose.

The mug was hot against my skin as I wrapped my hands around it. Almost too hot, but I did not let it go.

The room was quiet, all except the soft, metallic ticking of the clock on the wall as we both stared down into our dark tea.

I took a careful sip. As always, the slightly bitter taste washed over me, bringing up memories of the happiest times that I could remember. But now was not the time for it, not with that darkness still present in the back of my mind. I pushed the mug away from me, crossing my arms on top of the table. I could feel Wufei's eyes on me.

"So were all the parties I went to like that?" I asked quietly, lying my head down on my crossed arms, glancing over at my lover for the first time.

Wufei shrugged, steering his spoon around in the mug. "I wouldn't know. I just went to a couple of them, but that never worked out all that well."

"How come?" I hooked a finger through the handle of the mug in front of me, rubbing it, feeling the heat of the tea through it.

Wufei smiled crookedly, lifting his spoon up, tapping it off against the edge before putting it down on the plate next to my teabag. "Because apparently I'm a total party pooper."

He took a sip from his tea, leaning back in his chair as he put his feet up on the empty chair on the other side of the table. "I could never relax during those parties. I always kept an eye on what you were doing so you wouldn't accept any of the drugs or drink too much. It was very draining and I was fighting a losing battle without allies. The final straw was when some girl named Erin tried to force me to sniff cocaine off her breasts." Wufei grimaced. "Everyone might have thought it was hilarious but I sure didn't."

"What did I think?" I asked quietly, hoping for the best but fearing the worst.

"I don't know, you weren't there."

I closed my eyes. That really said it all, didn't it?

"But-." Wufei cut himself off with a tired sigh before continuing. "It wasn't until after I stopped coming along that you started with the drugs."

God, it sounded like he was blaming himself. That was just so wrong, it wasn't his fault.

I reached out, taking a tight hold around Wufei's hand, trying to make him understand. "It wasn't your fault, it was all mine."

Wufei gave me a sad smile, rubbing his trapped thumb against the palm of my hand. "You don't even remember doing it."

I licked my lips, holding his hand tightly. "It wasn't because of you, you kept me floating, I just was too stupid to help myself." I didn't know where the words were coming from but from the bottom of the void that filled my mind I knew that all the shit that happened was never because of Wufei.

Wufei smiled. "Thank you." He let go of his mug, putting his heated hand over mine, squeezing it. "Come on, let's go to bed."

I nodded. My night had been more than a little draining and to get some sleep was very tempting.

Together we went through what over the last few weeks had turned into our evening ritual.

Wufei locked the door, I made sure that the windows were closed. Wufei turned off the lights in the living room, I turned them off in the kitchen. I got undressed and unreeled my hair as Wufei went to the bathroom. Then Wufei changed as I got my turn in the bathroom. Wufei pulled down the blinds in the bedroom, I took off the bed cover. Wufei got into the bed and made himself comfortable and then I crawled in to wrap myself around him as much as I could.

"God, you smell like beer and cigarettes." Wufei complained with a yawn as I was about to settle in.

I flinched, pulling away quickly. "Sorry, I could sleep on the couch, or take a shower." I started to slide off the bed, feeling ashamed and dirty.

Wufei's hand impatiently fumbled after me. "Duo, get back here. As long as it's not on your breath, I don't really mind."

I hesitated before crawling back, moving in close to Wufei as he turned his back to me. Pushing my knees up against the back of his, my arms wrapped tightly around him, I rested the tip of my nose against his hair so that I could breathe him in with every breath I took.

Letting the warmth of his body sink into me, it calmed me down like nothing else I could remember.

"Thank you for coming over, I was worried and wouldn't have gotten any sleep at all if you hadn't," Wufei mumbled tiredly.

"You're welcome," I whispered before taking a deep breath of this wonderful man. The old me was clearly an idiot for wanting to be anywhere but here.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

We became a lot closer after that night and I started spending more and more time over at his house. Much to my parents' displeasure.

At the time I didn't really care since I still had not forgiven them for lying about Wufei.

I know now that based on the limited information that I had given them, they thought they were doing the right thing by protecting me from someone who wasn't good for me, especially in my vulnerable situation.

That I was the one who was bad for Wufei wasn't something that ever even entered their minds. It must be a parent thing, to always believe the best about your children, never mind the evidence against it.

They never said anything when we got back together but disapproving looks and the way they wouldn't say Wufei's name told me that they weren't all that happy about it.

I decided that it really was time to move out.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

I started searching for an apartment in the area around Wufei's house. I wanted to be close to him but not so close that he would feel cornered.

I found a nice little apartment just five minutes away from Wufei's house. One bedroom, a living room with a wooden floor and windows towards the south. It was perfect... But Wufei didn't like it.

The next apartment I found was twenty minutes away from Wufei's house. The rent was low, big kitchen, a small closet-like bedroom. There was no living room but the kitchen was big enough to fit a couch. But Wufei hated it.

The third place was a small house outside of town. It was in need of a few repairs but nothing I couldn't handle. Wufei refused to even step through the doorway.

This went on for three months before Wufei ordered, yes ordered, me to pack my shit up because I was moving back into the house. I wasn't complaining, especially since I had more or less already been living with Wufei for the last four months.

:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

When I first moved back in we suddenly started to get a lot of unannounced visitors, mostly from Wufei's friends and family but also from our neighbours.

It didn't take long to figure out that they were all checking in to make sure that I was behaving and that I wasn't hurting Wufei in any way.

Wufei was mighty pissed when he realized why people he normally only met a couple of times a year suddenly could drop in twice in a week. They all treated him like the poor abused girlfriend who was just too naïve and stupid to leave her boyfriend, something that Wufei really did not respond well to.

You better believe that the shit hit the fan when Wufei, one stressful morning, ran into a doorframe, giving himself a black eye and a deep cut in his brow that needed stitches. I almost had the crap beaten out of me by Wufei's overprotective friends, because come on, who was going to believe a known abuser that his lover had run into a doorframe? Luckily Wufei arrived home from work early and stopped them before they could do too much damage.

I don't think Wufei's family and friends will ever forgive me for what I did to Wufei. But I could understand them; I will never forgive myself for what I did either.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Wufei managed to get me a job at a charity organization. We mostly just collect money and clothes that we then send of to different parts of the world. It doesn't pay all that well but it gives me peace, knowing that I'm at least trying to make the world just a little better. That I'm not one of those jaded people who can just breeze by all the suffering in the world.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

I still don't know for sure why I lost my memories but I have a theory. I honestly believe that my brain erased itself. I've thought a lot about it and that's the only explanation that makes sense.

I tried to imagine how I would feel when I came off the drugs and realized what I'd done. To know first hand that I'd hurt the man I loved so ruthlessly. To have his blood on my hands.

I would want to die.

The body is an amazing thing. Take a minute to think about it. The heart beating, blood flowing, muscles tensing and moving. That it works is unbelievable.

So yeah, I don't think it's all that strange to believe that my brain erased itself to save me from myself.

I will most likely never get my memories back. But looking at my life now and at what I know about my old one I can't say it's such a big loss. Don't get me wrong, it would be great to remember my childhood and all the happy times that I've only seen in photos but... some things are better left in the dark.

Wufei has been a great help to me, helping me adapt and giving my life a sense of direction. He's always there, ready to listen and give advice with a pot of tea ready. I can never repay him for what he's done for me; I can't even explain to him how much it means. But I'll try.

I think that we solved most of our problems. Well, with the exception of how we were going to manage the table placements at our wedding next year. Wufei's friends hate me, my friends hate Wufei and they all hate each other. And don't even get me started about our families.

If it wasn't for the fact that I want to marry Wufei more than anything, I would have voted on forgetting the whole thing. But what can I say, he's worth it.

The End

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Ah, finally done. I feel good :)

Please tell me what you thought about it. Pleeeease?


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